When the choice is love...

The drama and the pains of the last 3 years have been overwhelming at times. While most of my friends see the end, the tears, the heartache, and the struggles they miss out on the joys that made the pain possible. Too often when we're hurt by someone we forget that the reason that we hurt is because it was so good to begin with.
Have I given him many chances, of course. But, have I seen growth, improvement, and a better undertanding along the way - of course. Without these things I wouldn't have hope.
Some days I would love to be able to hate him and to know that there isn't a possibility of a future with us. Then there are other times that he still is the only person to come through for me at my time of need, he'll go above and beyond what is expected of him. Moments where I wonder where, and who, I would be if it wasn't for the man in my life.
I choose to love him, even though it can hurt. I choose that path because not loving him hurts me. Giving him another chance is a risk at having my heart broken, but not loving him is a guarantee that my heart will continue to be shattered on the ground.
I choose to love him, for all of the good times and the bad times. Through all of the pain and the tears, because without them we wouldn't be the people that we are today.

Single Parent Pressures

Often in life things don't always tend to happen the way that we plan for them. As an adult reading this blog I'm more than certain that has happened to you at one time or another. I am a single mother raising two boys, both already in the double digits of their ages, and I have raised them alone for over twelve years now. Though I don't always make the most accurate of decisions I am always striving to do the best that I can for them. One of the things I have always felt the pressures to achieve, as a woman, is to get married. I do understand that children tend to do more positively in a traditional household, but I am yet to find that man that has put a ring on my finger and agreed to love not just me with their whole heart, but love my children just as completely. I am one of those single mothers that has refused to settle from the beginning, including with their own father. He has turned out to be the deadbeat with the lack of potential that I figured he was many years ago. It has always surprised me the reactions I receive when I explain to someone that I considered marrying him, but the best choice I ever made was not going through with it.

Is it best to forego your own wants and needs in a relationship to better meet the needs of your children? I do not believe so. I am a firm believer that if you are happy in your life then your children will also grow to be happier. If you concede to a negative relationship to make the rest of the world okay with your life then I truly believe you are teaching your children to also settle and do the same.

I have known a lot of people in my time that have settled. Their children become accustomed to the traditional home and family that so many pressure single mothers to attain. In the end these marriages are normally met with divorce and to follow that is mountains of bitterness. In the end I do not believe that is the route that is best suited for our children. I truly believe that if a single parent is secure in their decision and does indeed consider the entire family in their choices that the benefits can outweigh the risks.

While some people in today's society may deem mother's who have chosen to be a single parent as a failure, I would like to change this outlook in society. My hope is that with time they will no longer be looked at weak, frail, or failures. They will not lower themselves to settle for less than a love that can surround themself and their kids. They will be applauded as strong, independent role models for our women of the future. They will not feel as if they are being backed into a corner just because it didn't work out with a man. They will come out with the perverbial swing of the bat, their shoulders back, their head held high. The women of our future will not run to the state aid office or to their parents. They will not rush to fall in love with the next man that smiles in their direction. Instead, they will be secure, proud, and patient in knowing that they can still take care of their family all by themselves.